By Dr. Marcia Davis-Dawkins

I am certain that you have felt rejection in some form!

I have been down that road several times and it is never taken lightly. Rejection comes in many forms, some of which include:

• interview choice
• job choice
• award choice
• team choice
• home owner choice

Several questions/thoughts arise after being rebuffed. “Why didn’t I get that?” “Am I not good enough?” For the broken relationship, “What could I have done differently?” “Am I beautiful enough?” “Am I too fat?” Too skinny?”   I, like most people, was often tormented with self-doubt. With the questions and thoughts, came the wallowing in self-pity. I was weak and my defenses were down. I didn’t feel like fighting, but then I started to search my heart and asked myself, “Is there a wicked way in me?”

I should despise my weaknesses, but then comes the self-talk – “Timing is always key – nothing happens before its time.” “Maybe I wasn’t ready to be an accountant; I was rejected for a reason.” I often use my defeat to see how I can help my students, and others who cross my path. I am learning to be thankful for even not being chosen. It’s part of my process to be stronger. I have to learn to love me, grow in my own skin and appreciate me for me.

How do I pass this on to my students who cross my path? Do I treat them according to their needs? Do I give one more attention than the other? Do they crave my attention and I pass them by or shrug them off? Do I put myself in their shoes? Do I minimize their worth? Do I show them respect? Are my students behaving badly because I show some preferential treatments? Do I dismiss their responses? How do I make my students feel? Do I allow them to have a voice? Do I connect with them so they feel comfortable in my classroom?

As educators and parents we have to consider some, if not all of these questions and see how we make others feel.

There is a quote by Maya Angelou that resonates with me . “People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel”. What would we want our children/students to remember after our encounter with them? We should treat others, including our children/students, the way we want to be treated!

I believe, however, that one of the biggest responsibilities I have is teaching students to re-visualize rejection. The harsh reality is that no one escapes it. Once one progresses past the “participation trophy” phase of life, rejection is a given. Those disappointments should be viewed not as failures, but as opportunities to redirect to something even better. While the immediate dismissal may cut like a laceration to the soul, in actuality, one learns more from rejection and failure than from acceptance and success.

Consider the example of Mr. Jack Ma, a Chinese business magnate, philosopher, philanthropist and founder and executive director of Alibaba, a conglomerate of internet businesses. He relates the story of how when KFC first came to China, he threw his hat into the ring as one of the job applicants. He stated that twenty- four people completed applications and twenty-three were accepted…all but him. Additionally, this was only one of the thirty jobs that he had applied for and was given the thumbs down. But he speaks of how he was motivated by that rejection, and while for some it might have been the end of a story, for him, it was the beginning. He learned that out of his greatest rejection came his greatest direction. He realized that life was tough, but so was he. He embraced the notion that successful people reject rejection. Today, Mr. Ma has a net worth of 47.8 billion dollars. On occasion, he orders at the KFC drive-through. He does not gloat, stick out his tongue nor pump his fist in victory, but rather always offers an overly enthusiastic “thank you!”

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