The Power of Words II

by Marcia Davis-Dawkins | Feb 13, 2018 | Education, Kids, Parents, Teachers

The Power of Words II

by Dr. Marcia Davis-Dawkins

In a previous article, I wrote about The Power of Words and I am again mentioning words. You may be saying, “Here she goes again!” but how we communicate with each other and how effective it is to say what we mean and mean what we say is of the utmost importance to me. Since words have power, we should ensure that we use them carefully and wisely. As humans, we often struggle to say positive things. We have all heard the expression, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” This is saying that people can only hurt you physically, but not by the unpleasant things that are said. This is so far from the truth!! Unpleasant words have such a lasting effect on people. Words can either build us up or cut us down. We should therefore choose words that encourage, boost and fortify rather than demoralize, deject and disparage.

Our Words

Over the last few months or so I have had to think carefully what words I offer to friends who have lost loved ones or who have been sick.

Those times I have found myself authoring a text, but then reading it over several times before hitting the “send” button because I want to be conscious of the word choice so I don’t offend or seem insensitive. How many of us can honestly say that we mull over our thoughts before we hit the send button? Are our words encouraging or comforting? Are they building up? Are they sending the right message? In this age when social media is right at our fingertips, are we using it to help someone or to send disparaging messages? Do we hesitate and count to ten before we blow our tops? Do we think about the intention of our words? Let’s help to speak life over our lives, our friends, our families, our country, our students or anyone we come in contact with. Let us be positive. Even when we are remedying a situation or trying to give instructions, we should choose words that send messages of hope and devotion. Like most things it will take practice – practice to hold our tongues and speak only positive words. Additionally, when we are scolding our students, as educators, we have to choose our words wisely and gently, but also so that they will understand authority. We need to be cognizant of raising our words, not our voices, for those words land not only in the ears of our students, but also in their hearts. It is our responsibility to uplift our students with words that both help and heal, not hinder, hurt or humiliate. Proverbs 15:1 cautions: A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. The choice is ours. Do we choose to be creative forces or destructive ones? The answer lies in the power of the word.

The Power of Words

The Hurt Child

by Marcia Davis-Dawkins | Jan 23, 2018 | Education, Kids, Parents, Teachers

The Hurt Child

By Marcia Davis-Dawkins

In all likelihood, probably no adult is more trusted by children who have been abused than a loving, caring teacher. Teachers have the unique opportunity to identify abused children and start the healing process. To do so, however, they must be able to discern the signs of a child in distress.

We often think of pain and hurt as physical phenomena, or as the presence of uncomfortable feelings. Pain and hurt, however, encompass more than just concrete affliction. This is best witnessed in the case of emotional pain. Larry James once said, “Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. The only difference between the two is with physical abuse you are wearing it on the outside for the world to see and the other is felt deep inside. Others cannot see the bruises on your heart.”

As educators we have all seen students suffering from emotional maltreatment. These are the students who are constantly belittled and rejected and who endure the absence of a positive emotional atmosphere. They may be verbally abused or have inadequate parenting, sometimes bordering on neglect. They may be secondary victims, those who have witnessed firsthand domestic violence and even death of a family member. As such they demonstrate delays in emotional development and manifest immature behavior.

One of the most noticeable forms of abuse is physical. This expresses itself in the presence of bruises, burns, broken bones, or even internal injuries. These injuries are the result of slapping, punching, hitting, kicking, pushing, etc. These children are often easily startled, and often cringe in situations they consider fearful.

We have all had students who are obviously physically neglected. They may appear malnourished, lack adequate clothing, have poor hygiene and just seem to have no one who is concerned for his/her well-being.

And then there are those students who we suspect are being sexually abused. They may have been molested or exploited and lack the emotional and developmental ability to understand what has happened to them.

Teachers  

Often, as teachers, especially novice teachers, our focus is on teaching and learning. We are not trained as social workers or psychologists. Our goal each day is the intellectual advancement of our students. As such, we scratch our heads and wonder in frustration why this student doesn’t complete homework, why that student falls asleep in class, why another shows no interest at all. We do not take into consideration the baggage each child carries, the obstacles they face each day, their struggle to just survive. We wrongfully write them off as lazy or disrespectful, when instead we need to delve into the reasons behind the behavior and become their biggest advocates. We cannot sit on the sidelines and say that’s not what I was hired to do. Students are entrusted in our classroom for a reason—never by accident.

To offer support, we as teachers must be approachable so that students feel it is safe to tell us their stories. Actively listening is one of the best tools. School can be a place where children can rebuild their self-esteem, assert themselves and see themselves as successful. Abused kids often feel powerless to control much in their environment. Allowing expressions of feelings through art, music and creative writing helps release pent up emotions. Pointing out a student’s strengths helps one to gain a sense of self-identity and bolster self-esteem. They learn that they are valued, accepted and belong.

Additionally, Insight Learning, which is based in problem solving is particularly effective with abused children, as is Narrative Therapy. In this approach, children are helped to identify their values so that they can confront the problems they face.

Many times, in the situation of abused students, teachers are their only lifeline and reprieve. Let us realize that they are crying out to us for HELP and rise to the occasion. Don’t observe and do nothing. Your action can save lives!

It’s Gonna Be Okay!