Dr. Marcia Davis-Dawkins“A friend in need is a friend indeed!” I have been both privileged and blessed to have the same set of friends for over forty years! To me, that is an amazing accomplishment. I know that if I were to look up the definition of friendship, I would find words such as trust, loyalty, and support. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we all need to belong. We all need someone with whom to identify. We all long to be a part of something more considerable than ourselves, whether it be a family, a clique of friends, a religion, a group of co-workers, a choir, or unfortunately, even a gang. The idea is that we want to be an important part of something greater. Sometimes we yearn to belong to a group so we can cover our emotional pains. We hunger to know that people care about us, because in many ways, love heals. Friends protect us from being lonely, and comfort us when we are down and discouraged. Friends are also supportive and encourage fulfilling and rewarding conversations.

As an educator, it is my duty to teach my students how to care, one of the most important functions of being a good friend. I can do this through several areas, one of which is simply to know my students’ names. Some teachers find this task daunting, especially when assigned a roster of nearly one hundred students. But just as the time cultivating friendships in our personal lives reaps rewards, so will learning the children’s names. This sends the message to them that they are important, that we recognize them as individuals, and that they matter. It also builds a sense of community within the classroom. Not to do so makes we educators appear disinterested and unapproachable. Accordingly, why should the class be interested in us and more so, what we teach, when they don’t feel valued and recognized?

A caveat should be offered here, however. Students need teachers who inspire them to grow and be more than they are today, not an imitation of their current selves. Some teachers, in a misguided effort to be “friends” with their students, dress and act like their students. A true teacher/friend remains clearly adult, promoting learning and offering insight.

Another way of showing that we care is to demonstrate compassion. Some people believe that a compassionate classroom lacks academic rigor, but it is just the opposite. When students feel that they belong and are genuinely cared about, they are more likely to take on challenges. They know that even if they fail, they will be buoyed by support and encouragement. Methods such as short conversations and kneeling down next to a student for discussion while making eye contact garner far better results than yelling and looming menacingly overhead. By showing compassion, the student will eventually reciprocate that same behavior, to fellow classmates and friends alike. Just as we don’t write off our friends after a small disagreement, we should also have a forgiving heart with our students. Each day starts with a clean slate, and we never know how that simple act of thoughtfulness can impact a student’s life.

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