Loneliness and Mental Wellness
By Dr. Marcia Davis-Dawkins
Have you ever felt alone? It is often said that we can be in a crowd, but still feel alone. Some skeptics might even ask, “How is that possible?” But truth be told, it is possible for people to feel left out in a crowd or even in the classroom. Take for instance the student who is new to an area or a school and because he/she has no friends in the environment then, he/she feels as if he/she doesn’t belong. There is also the case where the student has had some emotional issues in the family, now he/she feels isolated because there are hidden pains in the student’s life.
“Why doesn’t anyone want me?
At times, there are students who might have been abandoned by their parents so the students definitely feel unwanted and unloved. Their first thoughts might be, “Why doesn’t anyone want me?” or “Why me?” This type of loneliness might even lead to students inflicting pain on themselves or even lashing out at their fellow classmates. They might be verbally abusive to those around them in an attempt to mask their lonely feelings. Still another example, students might feel alone when going through puberty and are trying to figure out themselves, as sometimes is the case for students who are in the middle school (ages 11-14).
For adults, being lonely or being alone can be a time of reflection where one can take stock of where they are coming from, where they are now and where they plan on being for the future. Plus, for those who are religious, it can be a time of meditation with God – He usually reveals Himself to the meditator and gives plenty of understanding to life. Reflection can lead to understanding of oneself, so that there is no room for depression or anxiety. But, like most things, there should be balance where you should not dwell too much on the negatives in the past but learn from the past and use with moderation. It might be a time to ask not why is this happening to me , but rather, what is this teaching me?
In the long run, what we don’t want is to mask our feelings or hide our identity because of being hurt. Find someone you can confine in or use alone time to read a book or write your thoughts so you are not consumed with them. It is important to be yourself and not compare yourself with another person, thinking you are not smart enough, you are not beautiful/handsome enough, not rich enough, not outgoing enough. There are people who feel like they are so insufficient and aren’t satisfied with who they are.
Loneliness for Adults
Also for adults, loneliness can come because of a lost spouse or loved one and things seems like your world in about to end because the person is grieving. For some, it can be a sense of confusion. Some might question themselves, even question God, or “Why did this happen?” “How will I survive without my spouse?” “Where do I stand?” “What will I do in the weeks, months, years to come without my spouse?” These, of course, are legitimate inquiries without immediate answers, but the interesting thing is that there is usually help, whether through family/friends support or from counselors. Whatever the situation, fear of being alone or the feeling that we will never make it – there is always hope.
We might be lonely simply because people have disappointed us so much that we just want to be by ourselves and enjoy our own company. At times, we go through a period of loneliness because this time is needed for reflecting where we can assess ourselves and set new goals. Frankly speaking, we shouldn’t fight this aloneness, but embrace it and develop something that you might never have. It could be a time where we can get to know ourselves. At whatever cost and at whatever stage in life we are, loneliness is real and it affects our psyche. Whether we want to admit it or not, it can play a big part of our lives (young or old). It is no wonder why what Maya Angelou said is so poignant, “Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” What is vital to remember and remind our struggling students is that if you’ve ever had feelings of loneliness, you are far from alone. Loneliness is one of the most common, if unpleasant, emotions that millions of people experience. For some it is passing, for others, it is recurring. But for all of us, it is a part of the human experience.