Misunderstood
By Dr. Marcia Davis-Dawkins
Have you ever felt as if you are misunderstood and cannot get anyone on your side? How does that manifest itself? One thing I can tell you is that it is frustrating, especially when trying to prove one’s innocence. Being misunderstood can mean being incorrectly interpreted and it can be with anyone, anywhere, even with closest friends and relatives. Ultimately, that stings even more because one is trying to prove one’s self and get on good footing. Most times it is because of lack of communication. To put it another way, it can cut to the core and feel as if no one cares. There are times when being misunderstood hurts so badly that it feels like disrespect. Other times it’s a feeling of inadequacy and makes one wonder, “Why can’t I get things right?” Then there are moments when one senses that nothing is ever good enough, and deep down it feels likes one is always giving. “Why is my point of view not accepted?”
As always, I constantly wonder what my students are feeling. There might be times when I misunderstand them. Could it be that they had an issue at home that caused stress and or pain that in turn bought them to school in what seems like an apathetic way? Am I, as an educator, conscientious to look beyond the students’ outward appearance? Can I detect not what they appear to be, but truly grasp who and what they really are? Being misunderstood can be so hurtful that it may cause suicidal thoughts. The students might be thinking that if they are not around that no one would care and they won’t be missed. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, there are five basic human needs, which drive behavior, and they consistently apply to school settings. As humans our basic physiological needs include the need to survive as individuals. We all want to feel wanted, accepted, and special. Being misunderstood can squash our self-confidence. I know that if I am misunderstood, I feel worthless. Do I make my students feel unworthy or my opinion of them diminish their worth? It’s interesting that if we as educators don’t consider our students’ feelings then the consequences can cause negative effects. Things that we seldom think about, including weight gain, possible eating disorder, sleeplessness, or reduction in the quality of work that the students produce can result. They might not be able to give of their best and we yell at them for not working to their maximum potential, but we don’t understand their underlying tribulations.
Being misunderstood can be very painful, and victims can fall into deep depression as the misunderstood may feel as if others are being judgmental and might lead to getting into unhealthy relationships, which could eventually cause more hurt. In the long run, there can be lack of trust and the persons hide their feelings and refrain from opening up to others.
Imagine going to a class or a school where English is the primary language, but it isn’t for the student – think for a moment of the fear that child faces, the challenges and the communication needs of those students. More than likely this student will be misunderstood primarily because of the language barrier. What can we as educators do? 
We often refer to fear as phobia and in this case, the fear is referred to as agoraphobia which encompasses being misunderstood and means simply a fear of leaving home, however, this is not quite accurate. Agoraphobia is a phobia of being in a situation where escape would be difficult or impossible, or help would be unavailable if a panic attack should occur. But could it be expanded further to include students who are fearful of being misunderstood, having anxiety attacks among other things and wanting to run away? I say there is a major possibility. I will quote from Lee Harper’s, To Kill A Mockingbird, “People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for.” It’s also been said that there are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you, while there are others who will understand you without you even speaking a word. Aspire to be the latter, as being misunderstood is no joke!